Tips for dealing with a confrontational spouse during divorce

Navigating the legal challenges associated with divorce can be challenging in their own right. But they can become overwhelmingly difficult when you’re dealing with a contentious spouse. They might try to contradict you at every turn, drag up marital problems from the distant past and even attack your character.

This can stall your divorce’s progress, and it might leave you feeling compelled to rush through the process to get it over with as quickly as possible. All of this can leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and it might drive you to accept a divorce outcome that isn’t in your best interests.

Fortunately, you don’t have allow your spouse to take control of your marriage dissolution. There are steps you can take to reduce conflict, avoid manipulation tactics and advocate for a fair and just outcome. By being proactive in developing your divorce legal strategy, you’ll hopefully be able to secure a fair and just outcome that positions you for post-divorce success.

How to deal with a confrontational spouse during divorce

You might feel like you can’t get a handle on your divorce when your spouse is highly confrontational, especially if you’re averse to conflict. But here are some easy steps you can take to protect yourself and increase your chances of securing the divorce outcome you want:

• Avoid face-to-face conversations: Talking to your spouse in-person can quickly get out of control. You might not be able to get a word in, and your spouse’s berating may be unstoppable. So, avoid face-to-face conversations so that you retain some control over the conversation and decrease tension. This method also allows you to capture what your spouse actually says, which can prove valuable in court when your spouse suddenly changes their position.
• Focus on the future: Even though your spouse might try to drag up events from the past, don’t allow yourself to go there. Hitting them back with the mistakes that they made during your marriage is going to throw fuel on the fire and distract both of you from focusing on fair resolution to your divorce’s legal issues. So, instead of bringing up past events, focus on the future and what you need to be successful in the next chapter of your life.
• Find leverage: You should anticipate what your spouse will want out of your divorce. If you can do that, then you know where you can use certain assets as leverage to get what you want.
• Allow your spouse to “win”: If your spouse is going to fight you on every little issue, then you might want to let them win on something that’s inconsequential to you. By doing so, you generate good will and appease your spouse without giving up anything that’s important to you. This could reduce tension and position you to secure a good outcome on issues that really matter to you.

Advocate for the outcome you want out of your divorce

We know that the divorce process can be incredibly stressful. But you can’t let your discomfort affect how you advocate for yourself. You have to be aggressive and thoughtful in developing your legal arguments, otherwise you might lose out on the resources you need as well as the time you want to spend with your children. With that in mind, don’t be daunted by your spouse’s behavior. Instead, carefully think through how you can approach your divorce in a way that fully protects your interests, and be sure you take care of yourself.