My spouse wants a divorce. Now what?

It can feel like you’ve been hit by a wrecking ball when your spouse informs you that they want a divorce. This is true even if you were suspecting that marriage dissolution was on the horizon. The shock of it can leave flat-footed, stunned and uncertain of your next steps and what the future has in store for you. As the process unfolds, the stress of it all can quickly become overwhelming, too, leaving you in a precarious position emotionally and financially. The pressure can be amplified knowing that the steps you take after being informed of your spouse’s intent to seek divorce can have a tremendous impact on how your divorce unfolds and your post-divorce positioning.

We don’t say that to frighten you, but rather to stress the importance of acting with conviction. That’s one reason why we want to spend the remainder of this post looking at some initial steps you can take to protect your interests after your spouse tells you that they want a divorce.

Your head might be swirling with all sorts of thoughts, but there are some steps that you should be sure to consciously think about taking once your spouse tells you they want a divorce. These include:

• Taking some time for yourself: While everything may seem like its moving in fast-forward, you need to take some time to slow down and process your emotions. Talking to family and friends about the situation can be helpful, but it might also be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional who can help you get a handle on your emotions and assist you in developing coping skills to get through the next stages of your divorce.
• Staying off social media: Social media might seem like a good place of offload the frustration and pain that you’re experiencing, but that can be a big mistake. Your spouse can use your social medial posts against you in your divorce to try to cut you off from obtaining spousal support or even custody or visitation with your child. So, it’s best to stay away from social media until your divorce is finalized.
• Talking to your children: The news of divorce can be devastating to children. That’s why it’s a good idea to formulate a strategy about how to break the news to your kids. This can involve presenting a united front with your spouse, refraining from talking poorly about the other parent, specifying what won’t change after the divorce is finalized and working with your spouse to figure out how to establish consistencies between households.
• Conduct an inventory: Property division is going to be a key aspect of your divorce, so it’s best to get out ahead of the process as quickly as possible. By conducting an inventory of the marital estate, you can ensure that you have a clear and complete picture of the assets in play. This will ensure that you can craft compelling arguments that support why your proposed property division settlement is appropriate.

There are, of course, several other steps that you can take to protect your interests as you head into divorce. You’ll need to identify your goals, create a post-divorce budget and look for evidence that supports whatever requests you’re going to make. But you have to move with purpose here, as any half-baked arguments are likely to be swatted away by your spouse.